When I was studying Psychology in college I came across something in a textbook that really moved me. It was a psychological definition called the “Ego Ideal” this is basically our notion of how we would always think and act if we were perfect” (Psychology, pg. 319). “All of us, as we grow up, begin to set rules for our own behavior. Through learning what society values and through identification with our parents and other adults, we acquire inner standards of many kinds. We also acquire strong motivation to meet standards. Most people want to be attractive, responsible, friendly, skillful, generous, honest and fair… our standards form our ego ideal.” This leads me to believe that we are constantly re-creating our ego ideal or our “perfect self” all the time and that everything around us influences this image. There is one man that has been the center of my ego ideal daydreams: his name is “sweets”….
Many times I have thought that I am in love with this fictional character on the series “Bones.” He’s handsome, clean-cut, great with people, and best of all intelligent. But I have finally come to the conclusion that I can’t be in love with the pixels of a moving picture. So after much thought I feel that what I really love is the idea of being brilliant. I imagine this sometimes and I take all these little bits and pieces with me from the people who influence my “ego ideal” or “perfect self.” Here’s a rough description: I have complex and yet logical thoughts bouncing around my skull every day. I notice details in crystal clarity and I’m able to communicate those details in a profound and moving way—drawing parallels and conclusions in an unending net of consciousness, choosing the perfect words to describe objects and people.
Every day and every moment is entertaining. I am never found crushed by problems because I have developed a detached stance to drama surrounding events. When I talk to people I am able to adapt to their level of comfort or cultural background and win them as a friend. I’m at peace with myself—even my flaws—so I don’t get moved in heated situations. I stay clear of altercations because I can manipulate situations to go smoothly and come out with great win-win outcomes!
I’m able to evaluate and portray interesting, clever and unique perspectives that are helpful to others and continue to add to my own sense of wonder and knowledge. Perhaps what I love most of all is the idea of being forever observant— avoiding the selfish and boring task of being drenched in my own idiosyncrasies but instead living vicariously and safely through the lives of others. The world is an amazing and aw inducing place that will never find me baffled by its tricks, only observant and fascinated—always an observer never its victim.
In an episode of Bones, Sweets talks to Brennon about contributing money to her friend Angela’s “save the piglet” efforts and says:
“If life were simply a debate you would win hands down but we know that it isn't a debate, it’s something much tougher. Our very work shows us that those people who call the world an abattoir— a slaughterhouse, they have a point. Now you handle that knowledge by imposing this gossamer web of rationality over the ‘ugliness.’ Angela has a very different way of handling it. Sometimes you don’t save the world Dr. Brennon, sometimes you just make your friend happy”. – Bones, Season 5 Episode 6
This is where I add “I win friends, influence people and patch up relationships” into my “ego ideal” description.
Sweets oh my dear Sweets! I am thinking of yet another example of your greatness! – Sweets is in a restaurant with another psychologist, they engage in a conversation about “booth” a rugged FBI Agent and “Brennan” a doctor in Anthropology specializing in (yup you guessed it!) bones.
Here’s the quote:
“You see, I believe that as a reaction to the childhood traumas of abuse and abandonment Dr. Brennon utilizes her intellect to armor herself from intense levels of emotion, like love.” “And Booth?” asks the accompanying psychologist, “well” replies Sweets, “He’s sensitive to her vulnerability. He knows that acting upon his feelings for her would amount to a kind of…assault.” Season 5 Episode 7
I say “Brilliant!”….
After seeing all this flash through my mind I think, “ What a lovely mind game!” and then I sit a moment longer and imagine what I have actually written down, I read it a bit and conclude that the only concrete truth here is that I am not so talented a writer and certifiably insane and obsessed. And so dear reader, I urge you simply to watch an episode of “Bones” and see what you think of my favorite character, “Sweets.”
